Trying

These past few days have definitely been interesting, but in a good way. I have been hit with various situations in just the past few days, but with some help I am learning what kind of person I really am and the things that I can still work on about myself. I have seen now that even though I continually put others before myself, I still need to be willing to accept help when it is given. I need to be able to put my guard down and allow those who care for me to be able to help me when they can. This will be difficult for me though because it makes me feel as if I am being a selfish person by wanting the attention and the help. This just means though that I need to work on my perspective on the whole thing, which I am consciously going to try to improve on. Just because people are willing to lend a hand, does not mean I am being a selfish person by accepting that hand.

The situation that arose today has also shed light on the person that I am becoming. I always try to be a fair person, but when it seems that comprises can't be reached, decisions must be made. This doesn't mean that things have to end ugly, but it just means that the easiest thing for everyone may be to go separate ways. It has been a lot to process so far, but I am trying.

I have also learned that I really don't hold any grudges against anyone. I am now trying to build a new friendship with someone whom I have had no type of relationship whatsoever with since high school. We both know that all of the past mistakes no longer matter and that they truly are all in the past. It is pointless to dwell on the things that happened because we both have grown up and are no longer immature students. I have no idea where this road will go, but I am excited to have an old friend back and I know it will be better than it was in the past.

Trying to process this all has been a whirl wind for me. I think my head is still spinning from trying to wrap my mind around everything. But it is an amazing thing to see the type of person you are and the things that you could work on about yourself. If we weren't able to grow as people, it would be super boring.

I hope this all made sense. I have so many thoughts running through my head right now and I don't know if I was able to fully get it out on here.